How?

How can I make decisions about the future when I am barely able to cope with living the present?
I think I have decided what I am doing, but I don't really know that it's best.
I really do think that God is calling me to be a minister, but I don't know that it is soon. If I studied full time and stuff, I'd only be 25 or something when I finished. I don't think I'd have enough life experience to just go into a church. My dad's a minister, I know how crap churches can be. That and I work in a church, and just my teeny tiny amount of ministry feels like hell sometimes.
I know the kinds of issues that ministers face, and 5 years of study won't prepare me for that. So I think I want to stay working here at Malvern for quite a while. I'll study at the same time of course.
And I need way more skills. Like public speaking, I suck at that at the moment. And resilience.
And I need to get my mental health to a better place. I can barely handle life at the moment, let alone concentrate on the Period of Discernment.
Maybe what I'm saying is that I can't do the POD right now. I dunno. Some days just forcing myself to get up and brush my teeth is hard enough, organising mentors, and study and stuff is just really impossible. Other days I'm OK.
I have a discernment retreat to go to soon, apparently I didn't need to go to it,. but I have already registered and paid, so I suppose I might as well. I don't have very high expectations for it. But maybe it will help. Who knows.
Maybe all these things are actually God telling me to not be in ministry. I don't think I have any other options though. Maybe I'm just abnormal or something, but I don't have any other interest or desire in anything else. My Dad was a teacher, my minister was a carpenter. Everyone else I know was something before or as well as doing church based ministry. I'm not.
I wish I did have another interest. I wish I could just be normal, and go to uni, and get a degree, and then get a real job. Life wouldn't be so annoying if I had a plan. Also I'd be able to look forward to one day being financially OK, that would be nice.
But no, I am called to ministry. Just I have no specific directions as to exactly what, or how, or when.
And I'd like to know how all this will fit into my life in general. because, yes, I am still a 20 year old girl. I want to know when I will get married, and who to, and how that will fit in with ministry. Or if I'll get married. Coz maybe God wants me to be single so that I can be more effective or whatever. Which is cool with me, I guess. Well actually no, that sucks, because all I really want for myself is to have a family, but I could deal with it I guess. I just want to know.
Well this was a pointless blog. Just made me ask more questions I didn't know I had. Oh, maybe that is a good thing. I dunno.
I guess I just have to trust God.